


if it’s not you

by odetodun



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Kissing, M/M, Sad, Underage Drug Use, bill denbrough is a Lovely boy, eddie is as sad as i am, i mean they share a joint, im really sorry about this, the reddie is one sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-11-27
Packaged: 2019-02-07 16:55:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12845466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odetodun/pseuds/odetodun
Summary: five times eddie gets jealous and one time eddie admits why.





	if it’s not you

**1.**  
Eddie squirmed where he sat, eyes glued to the wall. The losers were passing around a joint, most of them pretty high already. Eddie watched as Richie inhaled, sharp cheekbones defined. Richie was beautiful, Eddie thought but he tried to dull those thoughts out. He took a long drag in the joint, trying so hard not to splutter everywhere. He exhaled with pink cheeks, passing it around the circle.  
     By the time the joint was finished, all the losers were high. Eddie tilted his head on Bev’s shoulder, who was running her hands through Ben’s hair. Eddie knew what was coming, every time without fail the thing Eddie dreaded so much happened when they were high. He could see Richie’s eyes growing lustful, and soon Stan was in his lap. Eddie had to tune out, pretend he couldn’t see the boy he loved slowly kissing up his best friends neck. Nails dug into his palm, red crescent moons littering the skin. Bev felt him move, turning to him with lidded eyes.

“You okay Eddie?” Bev asked, Bill seemed to turn his head at this. Eddie nodded quickly, Bill was watching him with curiosity. Eddie just turned away from him, slowly standing up and retrieving a water bottle from Bill’s garage fridge.

“Sh babe” he heard Richie whisper into Stan’s shoulder. No one else seemed to be bothered the two were practically fucking on the couch. Eddie downed half of the water bottle, before making his way out of the side door and into the Denbrough’s back garden. He eyed the tree swing Zack had made when Eddie and Bill were just five. He sat down, slowly swinging his legs as he surveyed the stars above him.

“Eddie?” Bill popped his head out of the door, Eddie waved sadly. Bill sat next to the tree, not saying anything for a few minutes.

“I’m suh-sorry” is what finally broke the silence.

“It’s not your fault Bill” Eddie kicked at a loose rock, getting off the swing and moving to sit with his head on Bill’s shoulder.

“I just kn-“

“Can we not talk about it?” Eddie pleaded, he hadn’t had enough of the joint to be too high and he felt anger and jealously creeping in. They just sat in silence together, watching the stars.

“Hey uh- Bill?” Eddie’s head snapped up at Richie’s voice.

“We’re gonna head back to mine, we’ll see you tomorrow?” Richie questioned, Eddie could see the faint flustered blush and the way Stan was biting his lip whilst looking at Richie. Eddie could feel the bile rising in his throat.

“Yeah, tomorrow” Bill said absentmindedly, rubbing his thumb on Eddie’s forearm for comfort. The pair left and Eddie felt a silent tear fall, he wiped it away quickly.

“Stay over t-tonight? I don’t want you to b-be alone” Bill offered him a hand as he stood up, Eddie took it gratefully.

“Mike’s staying over isn’t he?” Eddie asked, Bill nodded.

“We have cuh-couches Eddie, I’ll get you some b-blankets and puh-pillows” Bill told him, Ben and Beverly said their goodbyes and Bill and Mike went upstairs. Bill pressed a soft kiss to Eddie’s forehead and ruffled his curls before he went. Eddie wishes he loved Bill, maybe it would’ve been easier. Easier than falling in love with Richie.

 **2.**  
Eddie glared at the water, haphazardly throwing rocks to see the ripples form. The losers sat around him, basking in the summer heat.

“Rich, stop it” he heard Stan say, Eddie didn’t want to turn around but he did anyway. Richie’s hands were tracing lines up Stan’s bare ribs, Eddie sighed heavily. He dusted off his hands and stood up, retrieving his t shirt.

“I need to get home” Eddie said quietly, Bill watched him with careful eyes.

“I’ll give you a ride?” Bill asked but Eddie shook his head.

“The walk will do young Eddie Spaghetti well” Richie piped up, Eddie cut him a look. Richie seemed to frown at Eddie’s expression, moving closer to Stan. Eddie left without another word, a few of the losers exchanging looks between them.

 **3.**  
School became difficult, Eddie decided it would be easier to avoid the others rather than upset himself. He tried to move on, tried to find someone else to love him. It didn’t work, every time he’d imagine Richie and Richie alone.

“Hey Eds” Eddie heard a familiar voice flag him down, he was alone for once.

“Hey Richie” Eddie said quietly, clutching tighter to his books.

“I need to ask you some advice,” Richie grinned and Eddie sighed to himself, “it’s Stan’s birthday soon and I want to get him something special y’know”. Eddie tuned out, he desperately wanted to get out of this situation. He’d never been able to control his emotions very well.

“So what do you think?” Richie asked eagerly.

“Uh- yeah, sounds great Richie” Eddie just agreed, this seemed to please Richie’s

“Thank you Spaghetti! Hey, are you okay? You seem a little off?” Richie questioned, hand resting on Eddie’s shoulder. He froze for a second at the contact before composing himself.

“I’m okay” Eddie lied. Richie nodded.

“I hope Stan likes what you get him” Eddie tells him, before the bell goes and he rushes off to his next class.

 **4.**  
The losers were gathering around Mike’s for the first time in ages, Eddie regretted agreeing as he drove towards the farm. He loved his friends, had been to hell and back with them. But recently it was so forced and fake that Eddie didn’t have time to enjoy himself around them, he had to pretend to not be staring at Richie and Stan - who had been together for three months now. Bill was still the only one who knew about Eddie’s feelings, he wanted it to stay that way.  
    They all chilled in Mike’s barn, conversation flowing easily amongst most of them. Eddie stuck by Bill’s side, who occasionally stroked his back or arm for comfort. Richie and Stan were particularly affectionate tonight, constantly kissing and cuddling. Eddie hated the way it made him feel, he should be happy for them both. They were his best friends and they’d found each other and they made each other happy.

“Eddie?” Mike asked, Eddie tuned back into the conversation with a dazed look.

“Huh? Sorry” Eddie blushed, Mike smiled gracefully.

“Have you ever been in love?” Ben asked, the attention was now solely on Eddie. He stared at the floor for a second, he felt Bill nudge his side softly.

“Not a good love” Eddie said quietly, not looking up from the hay covered floor of the barn.

“How can you not get a good love?” Richie asked bluntly, Eddie lifted his head to meet his eyes.

“You wouldn’t understand” is all Eddie replied, signalling that he wanted nothing more to do with that conversation.

“You ok-kay Eddie?” Bill whispered in his ear, Eddie nodded quickly. Eddie still felt eyes on him across the barn, he knew Richie was still looking at him. But Eddie used everything in him to not meet those beautiful blue eyes and to not give anything away.

 **5.**  
“Good afternoon sweetheart” Eddie heard Richie say, but he daren’t lift his gaze from his rather interesting apple.

“Call me that again and we’re breaking up” Eddie heard the humour in Stan’s tone, he looked up to see Bev watching him with curiosity. He hoped he wasn’t being obvious, he didn’t need everyone knowing. Eddie moved his food out of the way, suddenly not hungry at all. He heard the others talking around him, but didn’t participate.

“Eds, you good? You look peaky” Richie asked, Eddie’s head snapping up.

“Don’t fucking call me that Richie” Eddie snapped, harsher than he intended. It just hurt physically whenever Richie called him it. Richie stared at him, pained expression in his blue eyes.

“Jesus Eddie, what the fuck?” Stan questioned, Eddie stood up abruptly.

“I’m going to the nurse” Eddie told them, Bill’s hand rested on his own. Eddie shook his head at him before leaving his friends .

“What’s going with him?” Eddie heard Richie question.

“H-he’s just t-tired” Bill said quietly, eyes trailing after Eddie.

 **+1**  
Eddie’s window opened for the first time in months, Richie’s head popping through it. Eddie sat up from his bed quickly, head pounding from his headache.

“Eddie?” Richie asked, Eddie looked up at him.

“What’s going on Eddie? You’ve been so fucking distant with me” Richie sounded upset. Eddie felt awful.

“Nothing Rich, I just- I don’t know how to explain it” Eddie pulled his legs into his chest, resting his chin on his knees.

“Just tell me,” Richie reached out a hand but Eddie recoiled from it, “have I done something? I can’t think of what it would be but you’ve just been off with me and St-“

“I’m in love with you” Eddie cut through his words, instantly clapping his hand over his mouth. Eddie felt sick, the way Richie took a step away from him and stared at him intensely. Eddie hid his face, hid the tears that threatened to spill.

“You know I love Stan” was all Richie said, shaking his head.

“It’s okay Richie, I fucking get it. Please can you go?” Eddie mumbled from where he sat. Not daring to look up at Richie.

“I’m sorry” Richie whispered, before Eddie heard footsteps and his window slid closed. Then he cried, wracking sobs that echoed around his room. Eddie would always love Richie but it wasn’t meant to be that way.

 

**Author's Note:**

> woooooo im sad dude so this is what happened


End file.
